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My practice over the years has been sussokan and for the past few months it seems that if anything my mind is noisier than ever. Its a bit discouraging to note that my focus is so unripe after so much time. I get pulled into mental elaborations perhaps more easily than at some times in the past several years but there is one thing that differs it is very clear that about ninetyeight percent of the thoughts are absolutely pointless to the point of absurdity having absolutely nothing to do with any matter that bears in any substantive way on my life or anyone elses. When I catch myself entangled in them or riding along on them I also am more fully aware that these thoughts are more like complexes composites of images memories, sounds, and grow unbidden from something like a thematic nenseed.
April 29, 2013, 8:14 pm
Well, zazen is not some kind of dream land. Doing zazen is also not a cure for everything. We sit zazen to awaken to our true nature. If we do not awaken to our true being, we so easily get confused and fooled by things outside. We all will die. Why then do we not become aware of our present life energy, always planning for a tomorrow? When we started our practice of zazen, we were very honest. How about now? We need to sit in a way that we forget our body, returning to that state of mind of a beginner.