How do you find motivation at the early stages of studying Rinzai. I struggle to balance my commitments such as work and home life to find time to meditate commit to study.I have been beginning to read the path of zen and i will read some of your books next what is so more work i can study that will put me in the correct path my second question is in regards to my ego getting in the way of practice I often feel embarrassed to practice or openly talk about it out o fear of judgement how do i combat this and push through to practice is where i want to dedicate my life

This is a good question. In order for you to get your decision for training clearer, this is a good chance for you to take care of the life of your family and friends. Training is to meet yourself while there is no self. Why is that so? Because in Zen training we work on realizing that mind which is the same for all beings. We live, we see, hear, smell, taste, feel and think. These are all the workings of mind. Yet what no one know is that very mind. And because we have not encountered that mind yet, that is why we are being moved around by the outside world. We get sad, we get joyful, we get anxious, we get angry and so on. We hear and right away we get moved around by the words of the other. When we do zazen and our mind settles, we can see that all things in this world are a shadow in our mind. And this realization is what brings your own mind to peace as well as the minds of those you encounter. Then your eye will truly be able to see. You inner calling to training is that true mind calling out to you. I believe you know this very well yourself.