Dear Roshi many years ago someone near to me died. I wandered through the streets crying and entered a church to find some confort. There was no priest so i sat in front of a small altar. not paying attention to what was around me just cried and wondered why this happened. Only then i realised there was a flower on the altar. Then there was nothing. Only me the flower and a ray of sun from the window. And I started to laugh. everything was flower and me and sun and laughter and it had allways been there. and it was like it was even if there was nothing special. only joi even if there was nothing special and it has allways been so even before i felt this even if there was nothing or there was no me to be there. I only use this words because there is no other way to describe this. This was satori maybe a small one. how to realise this again? And can it last? Or is it allways there? How to attain this without seeking? Was it satori? Deep bow.

Experiences are perceived in our awareness. There is the superficial awareness, and a deeper awareness, where all divisions have been let go of, and then there is the experience of awareness being reborn. Thus we always experience, yet depending on how many concepts are being added, this reborn awareness does not arise. If you look for the experience of the past, the meaning is lost. If you want to have an experience that does not get stopped by concepts, you need to throw yourself away completely. In most cases, because this is not brought to completion, dualism continues to be an obstruction.