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Harada Roshi

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Dear roshi samaI practice zen in a monastery for 5 years and than I went back to my country..Life here in society very disappointing I dont how to share my practice and most of the things I do become not successful even if I work very hard the reality become bad for me.Its look like all the fruits from my training is to be a person with many fail situations and a person that can not give any example to others because what I do is always fail.. can you help me on what to focus my life here?Thanks allot

Nice to hear from you again. You are someone who can put their whole life on the line - a great person of training. Anytime you were to return to Sogenji, I would like to continue training with you. Yet you are still carrying around your past memories as heavy luggage, and because of this some sangha members do not feel so easy about you.
Yet that experience you had during your time in Sogenji, why can you not give life to it freely, you are asking me. That is because you always carry around the past with you, that is why it does not work for you. When you were in training for 5 years, your mind was pure. That is the main point of training. Yet now, you have the memory of the past, want to go ahead, yet that past luggage pulls you back and the energy can not flow freely. That is why it is difficult for you to become simple in your mind again. If you become only the mind of this very moment, freshly born, then you do not need the past. This pure mind is zazen. 
I am going regularily to Tahoma, Hokuozan and Indozan and hope to meet you in one of these places. Please decide for yourself that you want to return to this pure mind. That is of great importance.

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