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Ive been practicing meditation seriously for two years already. I cant say that I was a pretty diligent in zazen but I had a feeling that practice is an important part of my life. During this time I had ups and downs in practice but my believe in it was adamant. I didnt want to become enlightened or something. I just tried to live in a present without desire to turn into somebody who differs from myself. Now I dont have that strong desire anymore. Sitting part is difficult and even negligible efforts to concentrate and get a clear state of mind is totally neglected by my mind. I feel as I lost something and this terrifies me a lot because strong belief in Buddhas path always was my creed. How can I get back that desire to practice despite a laziness sadness and feeling that I dont need it anymore?
October 16, 2016, 3:50 pm
During a day, we take on all kinds of posture, resting, standing, sitting, working. We work yet at times we need to stop to again reflect what to do next, and at times also taking a break. We also reflect upon ourselves, why are we here? Why were we born? From this deep inner questioning, a wish for understanding and realisation arises. This search never ceases yet will continue to arise in different forms and ways until the mind truly is at rest.